


Blissful Sin

by Proskenion



Category: Jamestown (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Non-Graphic Smut, Reader Insert, Reader-Insert, Religious Content, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Romance, Slow Burn, Well I tried, fem!reader - Freeform, idk what else..., not very subtle, very hot 17th century men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 10:17:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19227142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Proskenion/pseuds/Proskenion
Summary: Reader is Redwick's niece. She is coming with the other "maids to makes wives" to live with her uncle. She is full of hope in the New World, but she wasn't expecting to fall in love… At least, not like that.





	1. The Arrival

**Author's Note:**

  * For [turnedherbrain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/turnedherbrain/gifts).



> Hello my sweeties! 
> 
> I don't know what to tell you except that I hope you'll love it, and please be comprehensive, it's my first "long" fic ^^' If there are any mistakes, I'm sorry, please signal them to me and I'll correct them. 
> 
> Enjoy!

« Land ! Land ! » 

You rush on the deck as soon as you hear the first call. The wind brushes your skin, putting salt and sea spray all over your face and hair, a sensation and taste you’ve got used to after all these weeks at sea. And now, finally, here it is, a brand new world spreading before your eyes at the horizon. You feel tears in your eyes but those are tears of joy, and you laugh. 

You’ve been sent to Virginia after your great aunt Harmony died. Your parents have been taken from you a long time ago, when you were only just a small child, by a malignant desease that killed them in only a few days. You barely remember them but you still carry them deeply in your heart. What you know about them, you know it by family portraits, and by the stories you’ve been told by your uncle Thomas, your guardian and your mother’s brother. That’s him you’re going to live with now. He left you to the good care of your aunt Harmony when he left with the Virginia Company to be Marshall in Jamestown. You thought you would never see him again when he left, but fate has decided otherwise. Aunt Harmony was old, and ill, and God has called her back to Him. 

« Are you excited, child ? » 

You start a little at the Governor’s voice beside you. You’ve been so caught up in contemplating the view that you didn’t see him coming. You smile, a bit shyly. 

« Yes, sir. I am most excited. »

« Your uncle will be pleased to see you safe and well after this long journey. »

« Just as much as I should be pleased to see him again. » 

The Governor smiles to you, though it’s not the warmest smile. But you don’t see that, because the joy and enthusiasm of your heart are too strong to let the shadow of the man’s contempt touch you. 

« Come with me, » Yeardley says. 

You follow without a word. You are used to follow. 

As the ship is coming to the wharf, Jocelyn Woodbryg comes to join you. Jocelyn has been nothing to you but a good companion during this long journey at sea, and you’ve grown much attached to her. She is to meet her betrothed in Jamestown. Actually, all the women of this ship are. You are the only one who are not here to marry. You don’t know how you feel about that. The thought really only came to your mind now that you’re about to go ashore.

« Are you ready ? » asks Jocelyn.

« Yes. » 

She gives you a warm smile. 

« Let’s not wait anymore, then. »

You are among the first to leave the ship, following Jocelyn closely, Yeardley and his wife behind you. Your eyes instinctively scan the area, looking for your uncle. But instead of him, your eyes stop on the most dashing man you’ve ever lied eye on, waiting for you on the shore. Well, actually, not waiting for you, you think as you realise who he is. As soon as Jocelyn is ashore he walks toward her and welcomes her with the warmest, softest smile, and taking her hand in his, he puts a sweet kiss on her fingers in the most tender manner. 

« My dear, this is (Y/N). » Jocelyn says, turning to you and putting a hand on your back to make you come closer. « She has been a very dear friend during our long journey. (Y/N), this is Samuel Castell, my betrothed. » 

You blush as Samuel Castell smiles to you, glancing quickly behind your shoulders to see Lady Yeardley watching you from behind. You have been put under her surveillance, and she does not seem please to see you taken away from her. 

« You must be Marshall Redwick’s niece, » Castell says.

« Yes, Sir. I am delighted to make your acquaintance, Sir. » 

He chuckles. He does it friendly but for the first time of your life you feel deeply stupid and exposed, and you lower your eyes in shame. That’s when Lady Yeardley calls your name, and you curtsy quickly to Jocelyn and Master Castell before hurrying to join the Governor’s wife.

« I’m sorry, » you mumble meekly.

You can’t help but look back in Samuel Castell’s direction, though, only to find out he is completely absorbed by Jocelyn. Then you see your uncle appear beside them, though he ignores them and just pass them by, pushing Castell’s maid with his shoulder as he walks by. He does not come not alone, though. A man, dressed in the finest clothes and arboring a very harsh look, is walking with him. You immediately notice the earing hanging at his ear and wonders if it is some kind of local fashion. You’ve never seen men wearing earings before. 

« Uncle, » you greet him warmly when he has joined you. « I am so pleased to see you. »

Your uncle gives you a quick nod then says :

« Governor, Lady Yeardley, welcome. I thank you for bringing my niece safe to me. »

And after a small amount of polite greetings, your uncle turns to you and say, pointed at his companion :

« Niece, this is Secretary Farlow. »

« Sir, » you say timidly, bowing slowly. There is something intimidating about this man, and as he greets you by a polite, silent nod, you feel a shudder strike you. 

You follow your uncle as he takes you, Lord Yeardley and his wife to Jamestown, Farlow staying close to him. Then, Redwick apologise to the Governor and leave him and his wife alone with the Secretary to take you to your new home. You look around, amazed and fearful at the same time. The colony is only made of simple cabins, the whole encircled by wooden fences. Everything looks so raw, so brutal, and though so excitingly new and full of hope. 

Your uncle cabin is nothing more than three small rooms separated by thin wooden walls, your room being the smallest of them. You don’t need your uncle’s explanation to understand it had been added hastily just before you arrived, and there’s barely room enough for your small bed and a chair in it. Though you are happy, and grateful, because you have shelter, and the perspective of a new life. And your uncle is here with you. So you turn to him and fall on his neck. 

« There, stop it, child, » he says, pushing you away. 

« Sorry, uncle, » you apologise softly. « I just wanted to let you know how grateful I am that you took me here with you. I promise you, uncle, that you won’t regret it and that I will not be a burden to you. I’ll be good. »

Redwick gives you the closest thing to a smile he can give before answering :

« I know you will. Now, get yourself home, and have a rest. You must be exhausted by your journey. »

« Yes. It feels odd to walk on steady ground again. » 

« Rest. I have matters to attend to. Don’t leave the house. »

« Yes, uncle. »

He nodds and goes out, leaving you alone. Holding your small suitcase in both your hand, you walk into your small room. You sit on your small bed, and sigh deeply. A sigh full of relief, and unanswered questions. You open your suitcase and takes a small book out of it. Your Bible. It belonged to your mother and you had it with you for almost all your life. You caress the leather cover, wondering if your parents can see you and if they can, what they think of it. Life has not been very kind with you until now, although you don’t complain because it could have been worse and you have still been quite lucky. But maybe this time, in this new place where everything is new to build and create, life will really start to smile at you for real. Maybe this new chapter will really be for you. 

You lie down in bed with your head full of thoughts and your heart full of hopes, and you doze off with a smile on your lips. 

You’re awaken by schouts outside. Recognising your uncle’s voice, you get up and go to see what’s happening. 

You open the door and the first thing you see is your uncle dragging a man to the whipping post. Distracted by the brutality of the scene, you don’t really pay attention at what he’s saying. When you see him raise a hammer and nail the man’s ear to the whipping post, you gasp with shock, your hand instinctively covering your mouth. You have heard of such punishment before, but this is your first time witnessing one, and even if you knew that it is part of your uncle’s function as a marshall to perform such punishment, you were not expecting to be confronted to it so soon. Paralized and eyes widened in horror, you can’t stop staring at the man whose ear has just been nailed at the pilori. You startle when you ear your uncle call your name.

« Go back inside, » he orders you sharply. 

You obey immediately, hurrying inside and closing the door behind you. You realise your heart is ponding hard in your chest and your breath is heavy. You look at your hands ; they’re shaking. A quick look around you helps you find a pincher and you run to it, pooring a glass of water. It helps you calm down a bit. 

You know your uncle is a military man. He has never been particularly tender with, though he has never been violent either. You wonder if the man you knew as a child, bringing you present from time to time, telling you stories, has always been the brutal, harsh man you just show outside, or if the new world had changed him. And if it is so, will Virginia change you as well ? In what way ?

It is almost dark when your uncle goes back home that night. You serve him dinner, and you both eat silently, at first. You don’t really dare talking. But after a while he asks you about your journey, and soon you find yourself in company of the same man than in your childhood memories. Maybe he hasn’t changed that much, after all. Maybe it’s you who had not known him that well. You smile, half-happy, half-sad, thinking it is just the both of you now. 

When you go to bed that night, your mind is full of questions, wonders, and fears. You close your eyes and pray to God, to the stars, to your parents, to the new world. You pray because you’re scared, and because you are grateful and excited even more. You pray for your life to finally beginning.


	2. Jamestown

After two weeks in Jamestown, all the dreams you had when you arrived start to wither a bit. Life here is cruel and hard. Only a few days after your arrival, one of the farmers has been reported dead by his brother, a certain Sharrow. This has shaken you more than you could have thought. And you also cannot get used to the climate. The days are hot and the sun burns, but at night your thin blanket sometimes fails to warm you up. But what weighs most is boredom. You’ve done nothing except attending to domestic duties at home, only going out sometimes to visit Lady Yeardley to do some broderie or praying or anything of the like. You have seen nothing except from the dusty wooden walls of Jamestown. Nothing of this new world full of promises you’ve been dreaming of. 

There has been some distractions with the weddings, though. The first one has been the one of Jocelyn with Master Castell. Oh, how beautiful they were. Jocelyn looked like an angel covered in flowers, with her long blond hair and gorgeous dress. As for the Recorder, there is something so kind and charming about him that makes you feel in a way you’ve never felt before. Jocelyn must be the luckiest woman of the colony, having such a beautiful husband, you’ve found yourself thinking many times. 

Still, life wasn’t as exciting as you’ve thought it would be. So one morning, while serving him breakfast, you ask Redwick :

« Uncle, may I ask you a favour ? »

« Go ahead. » 

Your uncle is not a tender man. He is a military man, who knows nothing about delicacy. But he cares about you, even if his abrupt demeanour doesn’t always make it obvious. You inhale deeply and ask :

« Would you please allow me to walk around the farms ? I’m spending most of my days indoor. I’d love to see the sun, and all the works we’re doing here for the colony with my own eyes. Please, uncle, I beg you. »

« It’s not a safe place for a girl your age wandering about alone. » Redwick answers firmly. 

You lower your eyes and nod sadly. 

Later that day, as your heading up outside the settlement to do some laundry, the only activity that allows you to really go outside, you freeze when you hear screams coming from the inn. A second later, two of your uncle’s men come out, dragging Verity Rutter with them. She calls for her husband, but there is nothing anyone can do. She is rought to you uncle, who declares she has been witnessed disrespecting her husband publicly, and for that, he shackles her to the stock. You frown as you see him walking towards the enclosure where the pigs are kept. Taking a bucket, he goes back to Verity and empties it on her head. You gasp, horrified by the marshall’s cruelty. 

« May this be a warning, » he declares.

His eyes then lock on you, and cold shiver goes down your spine. Lowering your eyes, you hurry outside the settlement to attend to your own business. 

When you come back from the laundry, you feel the eyes of the people on you, unkind, distrustful. It hurts, but you can’t blame them, not after what your uncle just did. 

When Verity is freed that night, you hear her curse your uncle. You can’t blame her as well. 

Your uncle is sitting at the table, waiting for you to serve dinner. He is exceptionally quiet, though. Look at him with concern, asking if he is alright. 

« Yes, I’m fine, » he mumbles sharply. 

But the instant later, he stambles of his chair, only keeping his balance by grasping the table. Worried, you run to him, but he pushes you away, insisting his fine. Then, he collapses. That’s when the door opens, letting Farlow in.

« Help me, please, » you say to the Secretary. « He just collapsed, I don’t… »

« Go fetch Doctor Presley at once, » Farlow orders.

A few moment later, your uncle is in bed and the doctor is examining him. Farlow is here, as well as the Reverend. You here them talk about Verity and her curse, using words as « witchcraft ». This sounds insane to you but you don’t dare speaking. When they’re all gone, you sit beside your uncle, and ignoring his sharp, though tired, remarks, you stay with him all night. 

The day passes. You’re worried, because your uncle’s state does not improve, and because they’ve arreted Verity again. You don’t know the girl much but you remember her from the ship. You like her, she’s been kind to you. They’ve charged her of witchcraft, but they can’t prove anything. But when other people start to get ill, it is less and less probably Verity is behind all this. Though, the more people get ill, the more the tension increase. 

Finally, the doctor finds a rational answer to the issue, with the Recorder’s help. You can’t help to be touch by how the men did everything they could to disculp Verity. Your admiration for Master Castell only grows bigger. 

Your uncle is stubborn. You have spent all the past night watching over him, but even now that the problem is solved, he doesn’t want to take the remedy the doctor suggests. It’s only when Presley asks him if he is ready to die just to be proven to be right about Verity’s sorcery that you see a change in his eyes. That when you intervene, taking his hands in yours and crying, begging him to take his medicine.

« What will I become without you, uncle ? »

This reaches his heart, and finally, he complies. 

Verity is not completely out of danger, though. It’s Jocelyn who definitely saves her in Church. 

This misadventure has left you deeply shaken. You’ve never been so scared in your entire life. This new is not a safe place for women. They depend on men, even more than anywhere else. How close Verity has been to die, just because of some men’s anger. And you, what would have happened to you if your uncle had died ? Alone, without any protection, God knows what you would have become. 

This starts to make you see things differently. But, as some good can always come out of evil things, your uncle too starts seeing things differently. A few morings after he has completely recovered, during breakfast, he asks :

« Do you still wish to go around the settlement freely ? »

Slightly suspiscious, not sure of how reliable your uncle can be, you answer carefully :

« I know your forbid me to, and so I obey. »

Your uncle smiles. 

« I am most happy to see you so obedient. But I was thinking… Well, I can’t keep you locked up, can I ? »

« Does it mean I have your permission, uncle ? » you ask, looking up to him hopefully.

« Yes, you have. But only for the times you have nothing better to do, and don’t go far. »

« Oh, thank you ! Thank you, uncle ! »

You rush and kneel beside him, taking his hands to kiss them. 

« Don’t get yourself in trouble, child, » he says sharply. 

« Oh, I won’t, uncle, I swear. » you tell him before kissing his hands again.

As by magic, after this day life feels a bit less boring to you. You keep visiting Lady Yeardley every day, but everytime you can, you sneack out of town to walk along the river or near the farms. This small taste of freedom revives your dreams of new beginnings. 

The weeks pass and you’re starting to feel yourself at home. You start to know everyone in town, although you speak to more or less no one. There is Massinger, the richest land owner of the colony. You don’t like him. He is as bad as he looks like, and you feel strangely scared everytime he looks at you. There are the Sharrows, whose eldest brothers is dead. Alice was supposed to marry him, but she married his brother Silas instead. You remember Alice from the ship. She was kind to you. Then there are Meredith and Verity Rutter. Verity is the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen, and the bravest too. She looks fearless, and she speaks her mind with wit. And there is James Read, the blacksmith. You don’t know what to think of him. He is quiet most of the time but he’s got such piercing eyes, as if capable of seeing things you don’t. 

You know the people here are suspicious of you, and you guess that is because you are the Marshall’s niece. You know your uncle is more than just a brute, but you understand that the people under his autority might be defiant. It saddens you, though, because Lady Yeardley company is not enough to break your solitude. And Jocelyn is too busy being a wife to really appreciate your company now. 

You know nothing about married life, though, and everytime you see Jocelyn and Master Castell walk together arm in arm, you find yourself wanting to know more about it. In church, your eyes are irresistibly drawn to them, and you have to force yourself not to stare. Sometimes, your eyes meet his eyes, and you feel the same sensation of exposure than you felt when you first met him on the wharf. 

You’ve found an unexpected friend in Mercy, Master Castell’s and Jocelyn’s servant. You like going with her when she’s out doing the laundry for her masters. The girl is innocent and kind-hearted, and her mouth is full of stories to tell. What you love most is when she talks about her master’s kindness to her, and how she is happy to have a mistress now. It makes you feel like your touching the mysteries of married life and it fills your head with dreams. 

Except from Mercy, the people you are the most around are your uncle and his friend, Secretary Farlow. Farlow is Master Castell’s employer. You don’t know why but that makes you feel happy, that by your immediate company you are somehow close to him. Not that Farlow is real company to you, though, he barely ever speak to you at all. But he is often at your place, discussing political matters with your uncle. Sometimes you’re around, serving them if need be. They talk as if you weren’t here at all. 

That is how you came to understand your uncle and Farlow are not fond of Jocelyn at all. That is surprising to you, because she has looked after you kindly during your journey from England. You’ve heard your uncle and Farlow talk about her in the most unpleasant terms, and you can’t associate the woman you know to the portrait they are making of her.

« I’m quite missing her company, » you tell Mercy one day. 

« I shall tell my mistress, then. She is the most lovely soul, and she sure would be so pleased to spend time with you. Maybe you could come for tea one day. »

« I would love to, and I shall be honoured. »

You smile, a strange feeling of blessed guilt wrapping your soul. The perspective of entering the Recorder’s house and have tea with his wife brings you more joy than you think it should.


	3. The Incident

Going out of church, you inhale deeply. This could be mistaken for some pious relief, but you’ve barely listened to what Reverend Whitaker said. No, what actually makes you sigh with bliss is the thought of a beautiful, sunny day wandering about around the settlement. The weeks have gone and you’ve never done anything to displease your uncle, and his guard on you has somehow loosen a bit. 

« My dear (Y/N), may I speak with you ? »

« Of course, Mistress Castell. » 

You are surprised to see her talk to you, since she has barely acknoledged you for the past weeks, but you’re happy. You can’t help but glance at your uncle, though, and you notice he is looking at you closely. 

« What is it ? » you ask quickly.

« I was wondering if you could join me for tea, this afternoon. I’ve been neglecting you since we arrived and I owe you an apology. Will you, please, accept my invitation ? »

You are burning to say yes, but you can see your uncle staring at you from where he stand, so you say :

« I would be delighted, Mistress Castell, but I have to ask for my uncle’s permission first. »

« Of course, » Jocelyn answers, glancing at Redwick with a tense smile. « Just come if he agreed. » 

She bows quickly and goes fastly away. You watch as she takes her husband arm and tilts her head to slightly lean on him. Then you turn to your uncle, only to see Farlow whispering something in his ear while he’s looking straight at you. When he sees you looking at him he delibaretely looks away. 

When you enter your uncle’s house, he barely lets you close the door behind you before asking abruptly :

« What did she want from you ? »

« She asked me to join her for tea, uncle, » you answer timorously.

« I forbid you to go. Do you hear me ? »

« But… »

« I forbid you to go, and I forbid you to even speak to her. Do you hear me, child ? »

His sudden and unexpected anger scares you. But as he asks you again if you’ve heard him, you answer :

« Yes, uncle. Although, I must say I don’t understand… »

« I’m not asking you to understand, only to obey ! » 

You jump at his threatening tone. You don’t remember the last time he has been so furious with you, and you feel tears filling your eyes. 

« Don’t start crying, I can’t stand it, » your uncle says sharply. He leaves the house, shutting the door behind him, which makes you jump again. 

After a while you go out to walk alongside the river, trying to comfort yourself as you can. You don’t understand what happened. You don’t understand why your uncle was so angry with you when you’ve done nothing wrong. All you can think about is Farlow whispering in your uncle’s ear, and you convince yourself all this is the Secretary’s doing. Farlow doesn’t like you, you know it. Farlow doesn’t like any women here, and you’re pretty sure he doesn’t like the men either. Farlow does not love. 

When you realise how far you’ve been, you immediately go back, and a few moments later you see Mercy running towards you.

« Thank God, I finally found you, » the servant says, breathless. « My Mistress sent me to ask you if you would join her for tea. But I couldn’t find you anywhere and… » 

« Tell your Mistress I can’t come. My uncle needs me. »

« Oh. Fine. My Mistress will be deeply sorry to here that, though, deeply sorry. »

You smile sadly, and after apologising again, you encourage Mercy to go quickly tell your answer to Jocelyn. 

When you arrive you find your uncle’s cabin empty. But a couple of minutes later your uncle storms inside.

« Where have you been ? » he lashes out.

« I went for a walk, by the river. » 

« Don’t lie to me, child ! »

« What ? I’m not lying, why would I lie ? »

« You didn’t go to see that woman, did you ? »

« No ! »

« What were you doing by the river ? »

« Nothing. Walking. »

« You’ve spoken to her maid, haven’t you ? »

You look at your uncle suspiciously. How does he know about that ? And why, for Heaven’s sake, was he so furious about it ? 

« Only to tell her I won’t come, » you answer defensively. « But, uncle, I don’t understand, why are you... »

« What did I tell you this morning ? I’m not asking you to understand, only to obey ! »

« But when did I disobey ? » you suddenly burst out. « I’ve done nothing to deserve your anger and suspicion ! Nothing ! »

« You will show more respect when addressing me, child ! »

Saying so, Redwick rushes towards you, pointing a threatening finger to your face. You instinctively step back and find yourself stuck between your uncle and the closed door of the cabin. 

« But what have I done ? » you cry, your eyes full of tears, « I don’t understand, I’ve done absolutely nothing to deserve this ! »

The slap comes unexpected and strong. It throws your head against the wooden door. Stunned, it takes you a few second to understand what happened. You absent-mindedly put your fingers to your forehead where some blood starts escaping a small cut on your temple. Your uncle calls your name and moves to grad you, but you move aside to escape him. You open the door and run away from the house. 

You don’t know why your first instinct is to run to the church. But once you’re inside, you suddenly feel calm again. You walk through the aisle and collapse on the front bench. Putting your face in your hands, you start crying. 

You didn’t hear him coming. So when you hear his voice calling your name just beside you, you start.

« Master Castell ! » you exclaim, surprised, unable to say anything else. You haven’t talked to him since the day you arrived. And you’ve never been so close to him before. And you didn’t expect him to be here, either. 

« I apologise, I didn’t mean to frighten you. I saw you run away from your house to come here, and I thought it was my duty to make sure you were alright. »

« I am, » you answer in a breath. 

« What happened to your face ? »

His voice is so soft, and he looks at you with so much kindness that you stay speechless, staring at him without realising how rude it probably appears. He doesn’t seem to take offense, though. 

« Did your uncle do that to you ? »

You nod, still uncapable of speech. He gives you such a concern look that you almost feel guilty for telling him. 

« Does it often happen ? Does he… »

« No, » you cut him short, a bit too sharply, « my uncle is nothing but kind to me. » 

This time Castell’s eyes look at you with amazement. He smiles slightly, looking down, and you notice that doing so, he quickly licks his lips. When he looks at you again, he says :

« Forgive me. I didn’t mean to offend you, or your uncle. I was just concern for your well being, that’s all. » 

You look at him and you suddenly realise that you were crying when he found you, and how rude you probably just sounded. Terribly embarrassed, but also deeply worried about what he might think of the way your uncle treats you, you explain :

« Forgive me, Master Castell. I came here to find solace in praying God, and to ask for His forgiveness. I’ve angered my uncle, who has always been nothing but kind and generous to me. I was crying because I can’t stand to be the reason of my uncle’s affliction. » 

« Alright. I understand. I’ll leave you to your prayer, then. » 

He smiles at you again and, while standing up, he puts his hands on your shoulder and squeezes it softly. You don’t dare looking up at him, but your heart starts racing at the touch, and when he leaves, the warm impression on his fingers on you are as vivid as if his hand was still there. Instinvely, you caress the spot where he just touched you.

That night you’re awaken by a shriek outside. You don’t get up immediately, your senses slowly coming back to you. When you get out of your room, you find your uncle at the door, holding a musket. 

« Stay inside ! » he orders you before going out. 

Your heart is ponding with anguish. For a moment, you think of running at the door, seeing what’s going on, making sure your uncle stays safe. But the slap stings in your memory, and you decide to go back to your room instead. 

You learn in the morning that natives have attacked the settlement and stolen some arms. One of them has been captured. You burn with curiosity, but your uncle won’t let you see him. 

A few days later, an expedition is settled to go to the Pamunkeys and give back the warrior. Samuel Castell has insisted in not killing him and returning him to his people instead. The more it goes, the more admiration you have for the Recorder. 

You are worried, though. Your uncle is part of the expedition. So is Samuel. For days, you’re alone, and wondering if the men will return safely. Jocelyn looks worried, too.   
One day, someone knock at the door. You are more than surprise to find Jocelyn standing on the doorstep.

« Mistress Castell, I… I… »

« Don’t talk, » she says softly. « I just wanted to tell you this : I know your uncle has forbidden you to talk to me, that’s why I take advantage of his absence to come to you. I don’t want to put you in an uncomfortable position, so I’ll be quick. We’re still friends, (Y/N). Don’t let him dictate you how to live your life, and most of all don’t let him harm you. But do it quietly, without him knowing. »

And without even waiting for an answer, she disappeared. This lets you pensive for the rest of the day.

Eventually, they come back. When you see them arrive, you can’t restrain yourself and you run to hug your uncle. He pushes you away, softly, but he keeps an arm around your shoulders and you can see his smile in his eyes. Then you see Samuel, and you feel an urge to go hug him, too. You don’t, of course, staying close to your uncle, following him home.

How strange, how your heart flutters, how relieved and happy you are.


	4. Jocelyn

Since the incident with your uncle and the natives attack, your life looks a lot like your first days in Jamestown. You don’t dare going out of the settlement anymore, and you spend most of your time with Lady Yeardley. You even try to avoid Mercy’s company, which pains you, though the girl does not seem to really notice. She still smiles at you and talks to you when you two come accross. 

You can tell your uncle is somehow sorry, because he has been avoiding looking at you in the eyes for the past few days, and he also has been incredibly soft when talking to you. You can still feel his gaze on you whenever you go, though, as well as Secretary Farlow’s. 

But what has really been on your mind since that day is Master Castell’s kind eyes, and the remembrance of his soft touch when he left you. And the strange feeling of joy when you’ve seen him return from the expedition, too. You often catch yourself smiling when thinking of it. It’s when you are alone in your bed at night, though, that the memory is the most vivid before your eyes. 

You’re quietly walking towards the Governor’s house when you see Samuel Castell walking out his own house. You freeze instantly and look at him as he passes in front of you, a strange feeling gripping your heart. He sees you and gives you one of his glowing smiles, nodds, and keeps his way to Doctor Preastley’s apothicary. 

« Stop staring, girl, don’t you have any sense of decency ? » 

It feels like Farlow had appeared behind you just to hiss his reprimand right in your ear, making you jump. But as if scolding you in public wasn’t enough, he punctuates it with a strike of his cane on your back, making you stumble forward. 

A penetrating silence immediately falls in the settlement. The first thing you see when you raise your eyes is that Master Castell has stopped and looks straight in your direction. Your cheeks immediately starts burning and you grit your teeth to repress your tears. But the Recorder is not the only one watching. Meredith and Verity Rutter are both standing near their tavern with desbelief on their faces. The blacksmith pretends not to watch but he stopped hammering on that piece of burning iron and stands extraordinarily still. And far away, but not far enough not to see, Lady Yeardley stands still, too. Your only wish at this moment is to dissolve into the muddy ground and never resurface again. 

« Secretary Farlow ! »

You spun around when you hear your uncle’s voice. He catches you by your arm and abruptly pulls you to him. His grip is firm and it hurts you.

« I thank you for your concern about my niece’s behaviour, but I can handle this myself. »

There is nothing kind in Redwick’s voice, and as he leans forward to whisper into the Secretary’s ear, he becomes even more threatening : 

« Strike my niece publicly again, Nicholas, and I’ll make personally sure you won’t be able to do so ever again. » 

Farlow gives your uncle a cold stare, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he walks away, snapping at James Read while passing near his forge about staring at him disrespectfully.   
Your uncle drags you to his house, throws you inside and close the door. 

« I haven’t done anything, » you exclaim before he can say anything. « I was just going to visit Lady Yeardley, I promise ! »

« I know, » your uncle say, and you immediately calm down. « Stay here for today, you’ll visit Lady Yeardley tomorrow. »

And he goes out, closing the door behind him. 

Farlow comes to have dinner with your uncle that night. It often happens, though this time there is a little tension in the air. Until finally the Secretary breaks it by lashing out at Redwick about demeaning his autority publicly. The men argue for a while, talking about you as if you weren’t there, but wine makes them reconcile quickly. They even leave you alone to go to the tavern together. 

But in the end, this new incident brings a much more positive ending than you would have thought. Your uncle seems to leave you be a little more, and you start going out walking near the river again. Master Castell also appears to notice you more, smiling at you everytime you two come accross. You don’t know why but that is what makes you feel happy the most. And there is the blacksmith glancing at you, too, but not in the same suspicious way than before. You go do the laundry with Mercy again, and the other women. Their gaze on you is more tender, too. 

You are walking in the wood. You have taken off your shoes to feel the ground under your feet. In the settlement there are only rocks and mud, but here the grass is fresh and soft under the touch. You caress the trees bark when passing near one. You smile. Silence, peace and quiet. Freedom. 

« (Y/N). »

You spun around, looking for the person who just called you, but for an instant you can’t see anyone. Then, Jocelyn appears between the trees. 

« Mistress Castell, » you exclaim.

You step back away from her. You are far from the settlement, but the idea that your uncle might know you have been alone in the wood with her fills you with fear. 

« I am sorry, Madame, but I can’t talk to you, » you say before turning your back on her and going away.

But she runs after you and catches your wrist before you can go very far. You ask her pleadingly to let you go, but instead she says :

« No one will know about it, (Y/N). We are alone in this woods. »

« If my uncle knows… »

« That’s why I’m here. Samuel sent me. »

This draws your attention, and for a while you forget about going away. Jocelyn sweetly smiles at you. 

« He’s worried about you. He thought you might confide in me more easily. Haven’t we been good friends, (Y/N) ? »

You nod slowly. 

« I’m going to let go of your arm, do you promise me you won’t run away from me ? »

You nod again. Keeping her eyes straight at yours, she slowly unclenches her fingers. 

« What do you want from me ? » 

« My husband is concern about your uncle’s ways with you. Does he treat you well ? »

« He does, » you answer firmly. 

Jocelyn’s lips tremble to form a small smile. She looks at you, and come closer to caress your cheek. 

« You would tell me if he didn’t, wouldn’t you ? »

« I already told your husband, » you answer, stepping back. « My uncle is nothing but kind to me. » 

« Of course. »

A rather uncomfortable silence falls between the two of you. You suddenly wonder how Jocelyn found you, and why she followed you. Why Mercy isn’t with her. 

« Your uncle, he is a close friend of Secretary Farlow. They often dine together at your place, I believe. They must talk, even while you’re here. »

This statement only increases your suspicion. Something is wrong with this meeting, and you even find yourself wondering if the Recorder really sent her to you. Why Jocelyn, and not Mercy ?

« I apologise, Mistress Castell, but I really have to go. »

« Of course. But remember what I told you the other day, right ? »

With a nod, you curtsy quickly, and you run away back to the settlement as fast as you can.


	5. Meetings

When you enter your uncle’s house you freeze instantly. Farlow is seated at the table and your uncle is standing beside him. They clearly were in the middle of a conversation when you came in. 

« Ah, (Y/N), we were talking about you, » says your uncle when he sees you.

« I haven’t… I wasn’t… » you stammer, nervous. 

« Relax, child, » your uncle chuckles, « we’re not accusing you of anything. »

« Even if this reaction does not exude innocence, » Farlow comments. 

« Nicholas, please. » 

Farlow hawks, adjusts his position on his chair, then say :

« (Y/N), I think I owe you an apology. »

« We both do, » your uncle adds. 

You look at them, unsure of what to say and where all this is going. You are slightly distrustful. You have never heard your uncle apologise before, even less Farlow. You know how they both feel about women, and how little they would mind using what they considered their rightful power over someone like you. So, instead of reassuring you, this just makes you feel more uncomfortable, slightly worried even. You try to think of something appropriate to answer but your uncle starts speaking again :

« I believe I have been a bit too harsh on you, and the Secretary pointed out to me that a young girl such as you might easily get bored in such a place as Jamestown. I came to realise that forbidding you to see and talk to Mistress Castell has been very unreasonable of me. » 

« I believe she is a good friend of yours ? » Farlow asks. 

« We met on our journey here, » you answer, « but I didn’t speak to her since you forbid me to, uncle. »

« Well, I am glad to hear how obedient you’ve been, but as I told you this ban was very unreasonable. I want you to go to her. You’ll apologise for declining her former invitation and tell her you hope you two can be friends again. »

« Really ? » 

« Really, » Farlow replies firmly. 

You look at your uncle has he walks to you. He smiles, and cups your face in his hands. He looks into your eyes and declares :

« I don’t want you to be unhappy. You need some company. Aren’t you happy ? Aren’t you happy to be allowed to see your friend again ? » 

You look at your uncle’s eyes, then glance at Farlow. He is staring at you, his hand on his cane and his lips pinched expectantly. You wonder if you should tell them about your encounter with Jocelyn in the wood, but decide it is wiser to keep it a secret. 

« Yes, uncle. I am happy, » you answer softly. 

« Then go. Go find your friend. » 

You don’t dare protest, and giving a last glance at Farlow, you silently go out. You don’t really understand this sudden change of mind, but the perspective to enjoy another company than Lady Yeardley’s, and most of all to be allowed into the Recorder’s house, fills you with so much joy that you don’t bother to untangle this mystery. 

You walk to the Castells’ house and knock on the door. Mercy opens it, and exclaims :

« Oh, it’s you ! My Mistress was looking for you ! Although, I wasn’t suppose to say it, » she adds, putting her hands on his mouth in embarrassement. 

« I know, I’ve met her, » you answer, amused at the maid’s naivety. « I was hoping to find her here. » 

Mercy answers that Jocelyn has not come back yet, but you’re distracted by the Recorder appearing behind the girl. He smiles at you warmly and Mercy stops talking when she realises he’s here. 

« Master Castell, » you say, curtsying. 

Mercy starts explaining you’re here to see the Mistress but the Mistress is not home, though obviously the Master is home but you are looking for the Mistress and not him, and the Recorder stops her here with a smile and invites you to come wait inside. 

« Please, sit down, » he offers, gesturing to a chair near the fireplace. « I have been wondering about you, since our last encounter. »

You notice Mercy’s astonished expression at the mention of it and you wonder if Castell said anything about it at all. You try to repress your smile.

« I know. Mistress Castell told me earlier you were worried about me. That you sent her enquire about my well-being. »

« Really ? » the Recorder says. « What… What did she tell you, exactly ? »

You glance at Mercy who kept standing near the door after closing it and stares at you with her big brown eyes. 

« Nothing, » you say. « Nothing important, I mean. And I assure you I’m well. Thank you. » 

Castell smiles at you again. That’s when the door opens and Jocelyn comes in. You immediately stands from your chair as Samuel walks to welcome her with a kiss on her forehead. But Jocelyn only looks at you. 

« (Y/N), I am most surprised to find you here. » 

« I came to apologise, Mistress Castell, » you declare politely. « I have been very rude to you. Twice, actually. A few weeks ago when I declined your kind invitation, and earlier today, in the woods. I wanted to make sure you didn’t take umbrage with it. » 

You notices Jocelyn’s quick glance at her husband when you mention the woods. She smiles at you, and she walks in to join you near the fireplace. You can’t help but notice how she caressed her husband’s arm before walking away from him. An unpleasant feeling pinches your heart, a feeling you’ve never felt before. 

« Of course, I didn’t take umbrage, » she says warmly. « Please, sit with me, so we can talk as we did on that ship. » 

Master Castell then declares he will leave the pair of you together and that he must meet with the Governor. A shaddow wash over your joyful heart when you hear he is leaving.  
« Politics, » Jocelyn comments while he goes out, « nothing us, women, can take part in. Don’t you think ? » 

You smile shyly, answering you don’t know. 

After that, your relationship with Jocelyn seems the same as it was during your journey from England. She often asks you to join her for tea. You notice that she looks very keen on your meetings. She always has a lot of things to say to you, to ask you. She enquires about what you do when you are with Lady Yeardley, if the Governor is often here. She also likes mentioning your uncle’s friendship with Farlow a lot. You can feel well enough that there is something about all this that is beyond genuine friendship. Especially because your uncle, too, appears to be very interested in your relationship with the Recorder’s wife. The idea that one of them, if not both, might use you as some tool in a bigger frame has occured to you several times, but you’ve shaken it off. 

Because even if, maybe, this is more than genuine friendship, you are happy to be friend with Jocelyn again. You have missed her company. But most of all because this renewed friendship allows you to spend more time in the Recorder’s house. 

Nothing makes you more happy than seeing he is here when you come for tea. Even though you and him never talk much, you’re enjoying his company more than anything else. And you have found yourself thinking about him in the most tender way more than once, and this always makes you feel the sweetest mix of guilt and bliss.


	6. Summer Solstice

The Summer Solstice is approaching, and Lady Yeardley is overseeing the organisation for the celebration. You are more than happy to help, excited as you are about the feast to come. Mercy is just as enthusiast as you are, if not more. You haven’t seen her so joyful since you’ve first met her. Jocelyn is helping with the preparation as well, which as surprised you at first because you didn’t know her to be very keen on this sort of events. 

You are walking with a basket full of flowers when you hear someone calling you from behind. You spun around and smile widely when you see Master Castell coming to you.  
« Pardon me, » he says when he reaches you, « you dropped this. » 

He hands you a small bunch of flowers tied together by a white ribbon. It might have fallen from your basket without you noticing. You take the flowers, thanking him warmly, smiling and watching him as he walks away from you.

« He’s a fine gentleman, Master Castell. »

You turn around to see the blacksmith looking at you from his forge. You stare at him, bewildered.

« I beg your pardon ? »

« I mean no offense, Mistress, but, » the blacksmith says, walking a bit forward and leaning against one of the pillar of his forge, « you should try and make all your smiling less obvious. It’s a small town, people easily get to talk. »

« And what could they talk about, exactly ? » you reply coldly.

« As I said, I mean no offense. Just, be careful. For your own safety. »

« I’ll let you know when I need your advice about my own safety, Master Read. »

Your tone has been harsher than you expected it to be. You can hear him snort as you walk away, and you feel like his remark vexed you more than it should. What did he mean about making your smiling less obvious ? Obvious about what ? How dare he ? How impertinent of him !

« I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look so angry before. »

Mercy’s voice draws you out of your thoughts. You look at her with amazement for a short while, before reassuring her that there is nothing to worry about. You start emptying your basket and lying all the flowers on a table when Lady Yeardley comes to you.

« I saw you talk too the blacksmith, » she says matter-of-factly. « What did he want from you ? »

« Nothing, » you answer, trying to sound detached. « He just told me how enthusiastic he was about the celebration to come. »

« Oh, I see, » Lady Yeardley replies with a polite smile.

You smile back, displaying your smile until she’s gone. Then you glance behind your back in the direction of the forge, only to find that James Read is back to his task again and not paying any more attention to you. When you look away to refocus on your own task, you notice Jocelyn, watching you from the other side of the table. You smile at her, and she smiles back, though not very warmly.

You spend the rest of the afternoon listening to Mercy telling you how excited she is for the celebration tomorrow. She is inexhaustible about the bonfires and the dancing, and you notice that she talks a lot about Pepper Sharrow, too.

« He gave me stone ! » she tells you for the umpteenth time.

You find it hard to fall asleep that night. The blacksmith’s words haunt you, and you wonder if you understood well what he was implying. Was there really something wrong in the way you were smiling at Master Castell ? Weren’t you just being polite, and happy ? Of course, deep down, you know that not all of your thoughts of the last weeks have been genuine. But they are nothing but thoughts, and they belong to you alone. You think of Jocelyn staring at you, and you burry your face in your pillow in embarrassement. You also think at what your uncle may think if anything like that fell into his ears. The simple thought of it makes you shudder.

Saint John’s Day celebration comes, though, and it puts your tormented mind at peace again. The settlement has not been rejoicing over anything since the weddings, and it was months ago. The festivities make you happy.

The boys jump above the bonfires. The couples dance. You watch them longingly, wishing you could dance too. Your uncle is not dancer, you don’t expect him to make you dance, and the perspective of anyone else daring inviting you when he is so close is nothing you rely on. So you just watch, laughing, clapping your hands sometimes, and life does not looks that bad.

You try not to look at Jocelyn and Samuel dancing too much. But you can’t help thinking they make a beautiful couple. When you see they stop dancing and come to you, a sudden sense of nervosity seizes you.

« Aren’t you dancing, Marhsall Redwick ? » Jocelyn asks when she comes close to you and your uncle. « I believe your niece would love to. »

« I’ve never been a dancer, Mistress Castell. I am nothing but a military man. »

« You should dance with her, Samuel, » Jocelyn suggests eagerly, turning to him and putting her hand on his chest. « Look, she’s dying to dance. »

The Recorder looks surprised and slightly confused, while you are more than relieved that it’s too dark for anyone to see you blushing. Castell gives Redwick an interrogative look, visibly uncertain of what to do or say. You glance at your uncle and see at his face that he is not encline to accept. Jocelyn gives him one a her seductive smiles and tells him you surely deserve a bit of entertainment.

« If she wishes to, » your uncle replies, placing his hand on the back of your neck.

« I… Yes, if you’d like, » you mumble, hesitant.

You feel your uncle’s fingers squeezing you a little, but he then takes his hand away.

« Alright, » says Castell, who seems as unsure as you are.

Although, when he takes your hand and leads you amongst the other couples dancing, his touch is firm and assured. When he faces you and starts leading the dance, you think you haven’t realised how tall he is until now. When the dance brings you close to him, your face is almost against his chest. This closeness brings new senses of him you haven’t thought about before. The warm of his body, the reality of his smell.

You look up, and he gives you one of this smiles of his you dream about all day and night, and you feel dizzy with pure joy, as long as another feeling you did not know yet but makes you feel like your heart is too big to be hold in your narrow chest.

« Won’t you tell me anything ? » Castell asks after a while.

« Do people talk when they dance ? » you ask back. You instantly realise how silly you must have sounded, and indeed, he chuckles.

« They often do, yes. »

« I have never been to a dance before, » you confess.

« Really ? I wouldn’t have thought. You dance beautifully. »

You struggle not to smile widely, beaming with pride and glee at the compliment.

« I said I’ve never been to a dance before, not that I’ve been raised among savages, » you tease. « My aunt made sure I had the best dance teacher she could get. »

Castell laughs again. Then, for a brief instant, the dance does not allow you to talk anymore. But as soon as you’re face to face again, he asks, out of the blue :

« Are you happy here in Jamestown, (Y/N) ? »

You look into his eyes and you know there is only one way to answer this.

« Yes, Master Castell, I am most happy. »

The dance stop and Samuel brings you back to your uncle. He then takes Jocelyn’s hand and takes you to dance again. You don’t dare looking at your uncle. You feel him come close to you and tense a little, ready for a scolding. But he doesn’t get the chance to say anything.

Everyone stop dancing, the musicians stop playing. At the gates, a man’s figure has appeared. It’s Henry Sharrow.

You gasp, as many others do. Henry Sharrow has been reported dead by his brother Silas. But there he was, standing in front of everyone, alive.

« Go home, » your uncle tells you.

You obey without arguing. You can feel the tension in the air. But as soon as you’re inside, you feel only bliss and joy again. Your mind is full of sweet dreams.

« You’ve enjoyed yourself a lot tonight, »

You haven’t heard your uncle coming in and his voice makes you jump. Turning to him, you say :

« Yes, uncle. I am so happy here, and I have only you to thank for. »

« Master Castell made you smile a lot. »

You glance at him, trying to gauge as much of a rebuke this is. Redwick leans against the table, half-sitting, half-standing, crossing his arms on his chest.

« You appeared to enjoy the dancing a lot. »

« I was nothing but polite to him. I thought it wouldn’t be profitable to offend him. »

« Profitable ? »

You think carefully before giving your answer.

« As a gentleman of Jamestown, and Secretary Farlow’s employee, I thought it was my duty to entertain him. To keep our relationship friendly. »

Your uncle looks at you intensely, and you hope you gave the right answer. The corner of his mouth forms half of smile. He gets away from the table to walk to you.

« You’re right, » he says, cupping your face in his arms. « Keep your relationship with the Recorder and his wife as friendly as you can. »

You smile, look at him straight in his eyes as he stares at you. You feel like he is trying to read you and you pray for your expression to be nothing but innocent.

« Go to bed, » he tells you before letting you go. « They need me outside. Don’t get out. »

« Yes, uncle. Good night, uncle, » you say, and you disappear in your room.

You close the door behind you and lean against it. You close your eyes and bite your lower lip, smiling.

This unknown feeling that seized you earlier during the dance, you start to think you know what it is. It is the strongest, the sweetest, and the guiltiest feelings of all.


	7. Marriage

You are on your way to meet Lady Yeardley when, passing near the Recorder’s house, voices catches your attention.

« You have to stop, Jocelyn, » Master Castell says, visibly trying to keep his voice low. 

« Don’t you trust me ? » 

« You have no idea how… »

But Castell’s answer stays incomplete and only silence is heard for a short while. Then little, soft moans are heard, and the sound of fabric being brushed. You blush and run away from the house as fast as you can. 

« You are quite thoughtful today my dear, » Lady Yeardley tells you while you’re silently knitting together. « What could possibly keep your mind so busy ? »

« Nothing, » you answer, smiling as genuinely as you can. « I wondered, » you add, suddenly struck by an idea to justify your reverie, « have you ever met a natural, Lady Yeardley ? I mean, other from the one we arrested, of course. Have you already talked to one ? »

Lady Yeardley stops her knitting to look at you. You are not quite sure how to read her expression. 

« I have seen some of them, » she says after a while. « But not properly met any of them, no. Why ? » 

« I don’t know. I’m just being… curious, that’s all. Maybe I’ll meet one of them, one day. »

Lady Yeardley gives you what looks like an embarrassed smile, barely glancing at you. She speak no more during all your time with her. 

Your mind is not busy with the thoughts of the possiblity of meeting the naturals at all. No, what really keeps your mind busy is what you’ve overheard earlier, between the Recorder and his wife. Not quite the words spoken, but rather the mysterious, though quite evocative sounds and whispers that came afterwards. Your body shivers at the memory, your soul burning with curiosity, and also something close to envy. Is that wrong ? Surely, it must be wrong. But how can something wrong feel so appealing ? This is something you cannot quite understand, and your pleasure is fighting with a strange feeling of guilt. 

Later, when you leave the house, you notice the Governor talking with the Recorder. You stop and look from the distance. But there is nothing to see as the Governor almost immediately walks away from Master Castell towards his house. You curtsy when he passes near you, though the man barely acknowledges you. Master Castell has not move, though, and you go to join him. 

« You look worried, Master Castell. »

The man turns a bewildered face to you, and smiles when he recognises you.

« Worried ? No, not worried, » he says. « Pensive, maybe. »

« Pensive, » you repeat. « Is that better than worried ? »

He laughes slightly, and doing so he looks down and licks his lips. 

« What are you up to, (Y/N) ? » 

« Well, I am to meet your wife for tea. »

« Let me escort you, then, » he replies with a nod. 

You follow him with a shy smile. The way from the Governor’s house to the Castells’ house is not long enough for the both of you to have a proper conversation, but you are already happy to be able to walk alone with him. Although, the same feeling of guilt than before stings you, but you try to ignore it. You ask him if he won’t tell you what he was so pensive about. He smiles, avoiding a proper answer by telling you about the boredom of political matters. 

« I see, politics, » you say. « So, according to you, I should find it boring. Is it because I am a girl ? »

He laughs, and mumbles an apology. You laugh with him.

« I hear a lot about politics, » you confess, « but everyone around me seem encline to think it simply goes over my head. They might be right, though. »

Castell laughs again. When he opens the door of his house for you, the traces of his laugh are still visible on his face. He lets you precede him inside with the kindest smile, so you can’t help but smile back at him. Try to make your smiling less obvious, the blacksmith’s voice says in a back of your mind. And when you turn your face to Jocelyn and see the way she is looking at you, your guilt stings you even more. 

« I met your little friend outside, my dear, » Samuel explains. « I’ll leave you alone, though. I have things to discuss with the Secretary. » 

« Thank you for bringing her here, » Jocelyn answers with what looks most like a forced smile. « Please, have a seat, » she tells you as her husband goes away. 

The following day, while you’re going to your daily meeting with Lady Yeardley, you meet Jocelyn in front of the Governor’s house. You realise she must be coming from the house itself, as Lady Yeardley is still standing on the doorway, watching from the distance. Jocelyn stops right in front of you and smiles. 

« Good morning, (Y/N). Will you join me again for tea today ? »

« Sure, I’ll be honoured. »

« Good. »

She gives you one of those smiles you can’t quite read and goes away. You look at Lady Yeardley, who is staring at you from the doorway, and you need no more to understand they have been talking about you. 

A couple of days later, coming back from the river where you have been doing the laundry with the other women and going back to your place, you realise your uncle is not alone inside. You stop and, making sure of not being seen, you listen carefully to what can been heard through the open window. 

« I am not marrying her to that brute, » your uncle exclaims. 

« Think about it, Redwick, » says a voice you recognise as the Governor’s. « He’s one of the richest land owner of the colony. »

« I said no, » your uncle insists. « I will not let that happen ! »

« What about the doctor, then ? » 

This voice belongs to Farlow. Your heart is ponding against your chest and you find it harder and harder to breathe. They are talking about marrying you. 

« The doctor ? » your uncle repeats. « You can’t be serious, Nicholas. » 

« Listen, » says the Governor. « She has to marry. A girl is nothing without a husband, and you know it. » 

« But I need her with me. » 

« She has been here for months, » resumes the Governor. « It is the right time to do it. »

You can here your uncle sigh, and silence falls for a while. 

« Not to the doctor, » your uncle says after a while. « No. I don’t trust him. We’re not… We’re not close enough. »

« Then I see only one solution, » the Governor says. 

The silence falls again. A rather heavy, awkward silence, you can tell. The next voice to rise is Farlow’s. 

« Are you suggesting… ? »

« Yes. »

Silence again.

« Well, that would… » Farlow starts.

« It is… » your uncle continues hesitantly.

« Well, I mean, I’m not… » Farlow carries on. 

« Do you have any better suggestion ? » the Governor asks. « You want someone of a certain status but who also is close enough to you. I can’t see a better option. »

« Yes. Yes, of course, » your uncle mumbles, and you know him well enough to recognise the hesitation in his voice. 

« It is settled, then, » the Governor concludes. 

You hear him walking towards the door, and you just get the chance to run and hide yourself on the side of the house before he goes out. You stay here, breathless and stunned.  
The door is still open and, after a while, you can hear the Secretary declare :

« Well. I don’t know what to say. »

« Then say nothing, » your uncle sighs. 

« If that is what you want… »

« I said, say nothing. »

« Fine. »

The sound of footsteps indicates you that Farlow and your uncle are leaving. You glance and see them walking away. But you are paralysed. Your breathing is heavy. Surely, you misunderstood. They could not mean it. You misunderstood them. 

But you know you didn’t. When your body can move again, you run as fast as you can away from the settlement. 

You only stop when your legs can run no more and your lungs burn too much. You stop, and you collapse. That’s only then that tears come down your cheeks. You’re suddenly stroke by some sort of furry, and you punch the ground and tear down the grass while crying. No, no, no, no. You curl up and cry. 

« Hey, what’s wrong ? »

You jump and spun around so quickly you feel dizzy. 

« Verity, » you exclaims.

You frantically wipe your tears and get up. 

« Nothing, » you say. « Nothing’s wrong. »

Verity makes a clicking sound with her mouth, shaking her head and putting her hands on her waist. 

« No one cries like that when nothing’s wrong, » she says. « Tell me. I can keep a secret. »

« I’m not even suppose to know, » you say pitifully, sniffing. 

« Tell me what you’re not suppose to know, then. »

You look at her, wondering if you can trust her. Then you realise that you desperately need to talk, and that trusting her is a bet you are ready to take.

« My uncle wants to marry me. »

« And why is that so terrible ? » 

« To Secretary Farlow, » you let out in a breath. « He wants to marry me to Secretary Farlow. »

« Oh. I see. Are you sure ? »

« I heard them, » you say. « The Governor wants it. He told them. »

« Now, I see what’s terrible. »

Hearing that you start sobbing again. Before you can know it, Verity is holding you in her arms, whispering soothing words. 

« I don’t want to marry, » you sob, « not to Farlow, not to anyone. »

« You said you heard them, » she says softly, « but your uncle told you nothin’ about it, did he ? »

« No. »

« Then tell him. Tell him you want to stay with him. I see how he looks at you. The man don’t want to give you away. » 

« But he’ll know I’ve listened to them when I shouldn’t. » 

You step a bit away from her. She wipes your tears, then put her hands on your shoulders and says :

« What have you got to loose ? What can he do to you worse than marrying you to the Secretary ? Hmm ? » 

You think about it. Maybe she’s right, maybe it’s worth a try. You nod, sniff, and wipe your tears. 

When you go back home you find your uncle sitting alone at the table, with a glass of wine and a single candle to light up the room. He looks up at you when you come in. 

« Ah, » he says. « I was waiting for you. Come. » 

« I want to speak with you, uncle, » you declare before your courage leaves you. « But I must tell you it might disappoint you, and I am afraid you might be angry with me. »

He looks at you for a long time, his face unreadable. He snorts, then say with a gesture of his hand :

« Speak. »

This is no promise not to be angry, but it is one to listen. You take a huge breath in, and confess :

« Later today, I overheard a conversation between you, the Secretary and the Governor. A conversation I wasn’t meant to hear. »

You see him frown and it makes you shudder. But before he can say anything, you resume :

« I believe you want to get me married, uncle. »

« Yes. That is why I was waiting for you. »

His tone is strangely neutral, there is no anger in it. Weirdly, you find it even scarier. You still find the strength to continue.

« I do not want to marry, uncle. Not yet, » you add, as if to make it sound less impertinent. « I believe I am still young enough to wait a little. »

« The Governor, and his wife, think the opposite. A woman without a husband is nothing in Jamestown. »

You walk slowly towards him, thinking carefully of your next words. You kneel beside your uncle, take his hand in yours, kiss his fingers and put his hand to your cheek. You look up and smile at him.

« I do not have a husband, but I have you, dear uncle. I do not wish to leave you yet. I wish to stay with you and serve you as long as I can. » 

Redwick stares at you with inquisitive, slightly sad eyes. You give him the sweetest smile your capable of, keeping his hand on your cheek and brushing his fingers. He swallows and look away from you. In that moment, you know you’ve almost succeeded.

« Please, » you whisper before kissing the palm of his hand. 

He looks back at you. He suddenly gets up, taking his hand away from your face. You straighten up but stay on your knees, looking at him as he turns his back on you. 

« Fine, child, » he declares. « I’ll tell the Governor we’ll wait. » 

You smile triumphantly as he cannot see you. 

« Thank you, uncle, » you say, getting up and going to face him again. « Thank you. »

He takes your chin and lifts your face. You say nothing, letting him gauge you. He chuckles, though not happily. 

« Women, » he whispers before letting you go. 

He walks away from you and goes straight to his room. You wait a little and cautiously walk to the door. You lean against it and listen carefully. But there is nothing to hear but silence.


	8. Temptation

The day after in the morning, you’re awaken by voices coming from the other side of your door. Recognising the Secretary’s voice, you listen carefully.

« I must say I am relieved, » Farlow says.

« Relieved ? » your uncle repeats.

« I do not mean to offend you, Thomas. But yes, I am relieved. You know what I think of wedlock when it comes to me. »

« Well, I didn’t dare to say it yesterday, but I am most relieved myself. »

« Are you ? »

The Secretary sounds slightly offended and you bite your tongue to prevent you from laughing. 

« Don’t look at me like that, Nicholas. You know what I mean. » 

Farlow only answers with a disdainful click os his tongue. Then you hear your uncle say he has to go inform the Governor of the situation, and both of them leave. You wait a little before getting up, just to make sure they won’t come back. 

Later this morning, just like every other morning, you go to meet Lady Yeardley. You get yourself ready for a sermon about the bliss and joy of married life, but it doesn’t happen. Instead, she barely talks to you at first. Then, she declares, out of the blue :

« Young girls are easily fooled. I was young once, and as naive as you are now. »

You look at her blankly. For an instant the fear to have your feelings exposed clasps your heart, but you shake it off with a smile and say :

« I don’t understand, Lady Yeardley. Have I done something wrong ? »

You are surprised to hear your voice sound so genuine when your heart is more than aware of the lie. Maybe Jocelyn is influencing you more than you would have thought, or maybe have you always had this deceit in you. It doesn’t matter, as long as you can get yourself out of uncomfortable situation such as this one. 

Lady Yeardley gives you an intense look. She smiles, sadly, as if disappointed, or uncertain. 

« No, I don’t suppose you have. » she replies softly. « I only wish you won’t. »

« There is no reason I will. » 

This conversation troubles you more than you let it show. You find it hard to sleep, that night. So many thoughts torment you, chasing sleep away. You remember dancing with the Recorder, you remember him comforting you in the church, you remember the blacksmith’s words, you remember the moans overheard by the Castells’ bedroom’s window. 

You try to reassure yourself. Maybe, surely, your feelings are wrong, but how can you be blamed for them when you have no control over them ? You know lusting after another woman’s husband is sinful, even more when that woman is a friend, but you have done nothing to encourage it, to act upon it. Or have you ? Have you encourage it ? 

Another thought upsets you, and it is to know how the Governor’s wife might know anything about it. You can’t stop thinking about Jocelyn going out of the Governor’s house that day, Lady Yeardley standing by the door. Might Jocelyn have said something ? What exactly, and why ? How Jocelyn could she blame you of anything, when she was the one insisting on her husband dancing with you ? When she has been so willing to welcome you in her house, sometimes asking for Samuel to stay ? Could she be jealous of you when you have done nothing except being polite when you had to ? 

And, if she actually is jealous, would that mean ?... Would it be possible that Jocelyn has noticed something in her husband’s behaviour with you that might encourage her to really see you as a threat ? Surely, although you don’t want to admit it, this thought is the one that makes your heart race the most. 

A couple of days later, when you find yourself in the Recorder’s house with Jocelyn as it often happens, you can’t keep your mouth shut on the matter.

« Jocelyn, did you talk about me to Lady Yeardley ? »

Jocelyn looks at you in amazement before laughing. 

« What a strange idea, » she says. « Why would I do such a thing ? »

« I don’t know. » 

She looks at you, her mouth half-open, visibly amused. She sips a bit of tea before asking :

« Aren’t you eager to be married, (Y/N) ? »

« No, not really, » you answer matter-of-factly. « Why ? »

« Isn’t it the dream of every young girl your age ? »

« Well, maybe, but it isn’t mine. I wish to stay with my uncle as long as I can. »

« Then Marshall Redwick is the luckiest man in town, having such a devoted niece to look after him. »

« I am his ward since I was nothing but an infant. So yes, I am devoted to him. I owe him a lot. »

Jocelyn’s eyes lock on yours and you stare at each other for a while. You smile at her, sweetly, or so you hope, and she smiles back. Then Mercy comes in and you are both distracted by the maid’s carefree babbling. 

You decide to try to stop thinking about Master Castell the way you do, to kill those sinful feelings you’ve allowed to grow on the ground of your soul. But you find that their roots are strong now, and that they can’t be pulled off easily. It starts to make you feel sick, and you are afraid it might start to show. 

« You look thoughtful, » a voice says beside you, making you start. « Something’s troubling your mind. »

You turn to face the blacksmith, and look at him from head to toe. He is leaning against a pillar of his forge, the same way he did so many days before. You wonder if anything at all ever escape his eyes.

« What do you know about troubled minds, Master Read ? » you ask.

« I know a great deal. Especially if what’s troubling you is what I think. »

« And what do you think it is ? » 

He glances behind your back and you turn to see your uncle is watching from afar. When you look back to James Read you find that he’s back in his forge. You go on your way but as you pass near him, you hear him say :

« Forget about it, that’s my advice. » 

You snort and keep walking, without even a glance to him. You think that you only wish to know how to forget about it at all. 

You go for a walk near the river, because during your first weeks here it was always a joy and a pleasant distraction to you. But today it fails to cheer you up. So you go back to the settlement, extending your walk by longing the Sharrows brothers’ farm. When you’re back, you walk straight to the church, in an urge to pray God for help. 

When you walk in the church, though, you instantly freeze. 

Sitting on the front bench and his back towards you, is Samuel Castell. You think that you should go, but your feet won’t move. And this hesitation of yours seals your fate, as he turns his face to the entrance and sees you. 

« Oh, (Y/N), » he stutters, « I… »

He gets up, and walks in your direction as you keep standing by the close door. 

« I was praying, I suppose, » he explains, as if to justify himself. « Seeking for some solace in God. As you once told me. »

You look at him in wonder. Of course, this memory has stayed vivid in your mind, but you are more than surprised to hear he remembers. 

« That is the reason I came here tonight as well, » you whisper.

« Why would you need solace ? » he asks softly.

« And why would you ? »

He chuckles, doing that thing with his tongue you’ve often seen him do when he laughs, and it makes your knees feel weak. 

« What troubles my mind is for me to bear. » 

His voice sounds sad, and his words reach straight to your heart and sting like a wasp. You speak before you can stop yourself :

« I wish I could give you the solace you seek. »

You bite your tongue as soon as you realise what you said. You are already ready to apologise when he says :

« You are quite an interesting creature, (Y/N). » 

This statement leaves you speechless. You look at him intensely and he looks back, in a way he never looked at you before. But just when you feel like both your bodies are getting closer, he looks away.

« I leave you to your prayer, » he says before walking away. 

When he is gone, you look up at the cross opposite you. Breathless, you feel your shoulders crushed by the weigh of your heavy mind. Struck by the sudden thought of your soul being soiled by your unholy feelings of desire and forbidden love, your run away from the church as fast as you can. 

In the days that follow, though, you find some comfort in the way Master Castell looks at you everytime you come accross him. It might be a pure product of your imagination, but you feel like his gaze and smile are not as they were before, as if everytime you two looked at each other, he was remembering your last encounter in the church. 

Jocelyn is not well. You realise that a few weeks later, and you wonder if it is, somehow, your fault. Has she noticed something ? You are worried she might, and that she will make you pay for it somehow. But the days pass and you don’t hear much from her.

Until, one night, she disappears. You are alone in your bed because your uncle is at the tavern with Farlow when you hear some fuss outside. You get up and, after wrapping yourself in a large shawl, you go at the door to see what is happening. The Recorder is stalking to a bunch of men, and you hear him tell them to find Jocelyn at all cost. When the men are gone, Castell looks up and sees you.

« Is something wrong ? » you ask, adjusting your shawl. 

« Do not worry, it is surely nothing. » 

You look at each other for a while, without a word. Then Castell shook his head, as one does to wake oneself up, and mutters :

« Well, I have to go. Go back to sleep, and do not worry. »

« I hope you will find your wife soon, » you say, as neutral as possible.

He gives you a curious look, then, shaking his head again, he wishes you a good night and walks away. 

You don’t sleep though. You are scared. No matter what your deepest desires are, Jocelyn still is your friend. At least you hope she still is, and your guilty heart shivers at the thought something might have happen to her because of you and your inadequate attraction for her husband. 

At dawn, though, she reappears. It appears she spent the night with Verity at the tavern. If this sounds like a ludicrous thought at first, when you learn about the true reason of this, you feel your heart sink in your stomach like a heavy stone in the depth of a fen. 

A baby. 

Jocelyn is with child. 

You have never seen Samuel Castell happier. And you have never felt so sad. Everything is at it should be, though. Jocelyn and Samuel are married and are now expecting a baby. Becoming a proper family. 

One day though, going out for a walk, you see them talking in the distance, and you can’t help but notice Master Castell’s smile is gone from his face. Jocelyn gratifies him with an awkward smile and goes, leaving him alone and looking something between abashed and upset. 

« You haven’t been following my advice, have you ? »

Recognising the blacksmith’s voice, you groan and roll up your eyes. You turn to him and say :

« Giving advice is easy, don’t you think ? »

« Maybe. » 

You glance in the direction of Samuel only to see he’s gone. Having missed the opportunity to talk to him disappoints you, and you turn an annoyed face to James Read.  
« Next time I’ll want your opinion I’ll let you know, James Read. Until now I’ll ask you to hold your tongue in front of me. »

He snorts, shakes his head and goes back to his forge. You don’t know why you suddenly feel an urge to discard all your frustration on him.

« Are you making fun of me ? » you lash out.

« I’d be a fool if I was making fun of the Marshall’s ward, » he replies without even a glance to you.

« Look at me when you address me. » 

He stops what he is doing and freeze for a moment. Then, slowly, he turns around. 

« I don’t know what you think you know about me, » you starts saying, walking to him, « what you think you saw, but you’re wrong. And you won’t speak to me that way again. »

He sighs, and wipe his mouth with his hand before stating :

« Listen, I don’t want any trouble. I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want. It’s just, » he stops, as if looking for words, then keeps going, « it’s just that I can’t help noticing, you know. How your uncle looks at you, how the Secretary looks at you, how Master Castell and his wife looks at you, and how you look at them. Be careful, that’s all. I wouldn’t want you to be in any trouble. »

You look at him with your mouth half-open, but you find yourself without anything to say. You realise at the way he looks at you before turning his back on you again that James Read means it : he doesn’t want you to be in any trouble. You look down sheepishly. 

« I’m sorry, » you mumble. 

And you walk away quickly. 

You walk for a long time along the river, which takes you farer than you’ve ever been before. You think at what your uncle would say if he knew, but you find that you don’t care. For a brief, mad moment, you even think of keeping walking forward and forward and never turning back. But you turn back, and that is only then that you realise how far you went. The sun starts going down and there is still no sign of the settlement. Worry starts to settle in your chest. 

The sky is red because of the sunset, when you see a figure sitting between the tree. You stop and look at the shaddow suspiciously, but it doesn’t move. You wonder what you should do. You walk carefully forward, in order to find out who this can be, though trying not to be seen. When you realise who it is, you fail to restrain a gasp. 

Samuel Castell looks up, scanning the area in your direction. He gets up, and call :

« Who’s there ? »

You slowly walk forward until he can see you. When he recognise you, he relaxes instantly.

« It’s you, » he says softly.

« What are you doing here ? »

« What are you doing here ? » he asks back. « It’s almost night time. You shouldn’t be outside the settlement so late. »

« I needed some fresh air, » you explain.

« So did I, » he answer in a breath, and you can’t help but noticing the sadness in his voice.

« Is something wrong ? » you ask, quite worryingly. 

« No, it’s… It’s Jocelyn. » 

You swallow. Walking a bit more forward, you start :

« Is the baby… »

But he cuts you short :

« Well, that’s the matter. There is no baby. It was… A mistake. That’s what she told me this morning. » 

You frown, touch by the sadness in his voice, moved by the sorrow on his face. 

« I am so sorry, Master Castell. »

« Are you ? » he asks, looking at you. « Yes, you are. I can see it on your face. »

You don’t answer, but instead keep walking closer. He is staring longingly in the direction of the river. When he speaks, you wonder if he really addresses you or only speaks to himself.

« Jocelyn barely looked sorry when she told me. »

You keep walking until you’re standing right next to him, a bit behind him. You still don’t speak, leaving him the choice to keep going or not.

« There is something about her that keeps escaping me. We have been married for months, but there is a part of her that I can’t reach. I think I never will. » 

As if realising your presence beside him just now, he suddenly turns to you.

« Forgive me, » he says, stepping back. « I shouldn’t tell you about that. »

« Don’t apologise, » you say softly. « Talk to me if you like. I won’t tell anyone. » 

He looks at you, intensely, somehow intrigued. 

« Do you remember what I told in the church that day ? » you resume. « I meant it then, and I mean it now. If I can give you solace, I will. » 

He swallows, his eyes still on you. For a while only the sound of your breathing can be heard, slightly covered by the running river beside you. 

« You are an interesting creature, (Y/N), » he whispers, exactly the same way he did in the church. 

« What do you mean ? » 

A sweet breeze brushes the foliage above your head. Some birds start singing, anouncing the night. And the river keeps running, its splashing sounds being like the softest drums. Like the drums of your racing heart, as the Recorder and you keeps looking at each other with some king of longing, some sort of calling that you can’t ignore anymore.

« Months of married life, » he murmurs softly, « and not once my wife looked at me the way you do now. » 

You find it suddenly hard to breathe, and it feels like the only way for you to be able to breathe again would be to close the distance between you and him. So you do, surrendering to your most primal instinct, standing on tiptoe, putting both your hand on his chest to keep your balance, you brush your lips against him. His lips answer to that and kiss you back. But then he breaks the kiss, stepping back, breath heavy. 

« This is wrong, » he says, a trace of fear in his voice and in his eyes.

« Yes, this is wrong, » you whisper, clenching your hands on his tunic. « But we both want it. »

You look at him expectantly. He looks so scared that for one moment, you are afraid he might slimply run, and part of you know that would be the best thing to do. But you clench your hands harder on the fabric of his clothes, unable to let him go. You step forward, your eyes still lock on his. He doesn’t run. He probably can’t. Fear, as much as desire, keeps him paralysed. You guess it because you feel the same. You put your forehead on his chest and lean against him, on the verge of crying. 

Then you feel his arms around you. One of his hand go up your spine, in your hair, cupping your neck. 

« This is wrong, » he repeats in a breath, his lips against your forehead. 

The instant later you are both slowly lying on the ground, never really letting go of one another. He is lying his back on the grass, and your body is pressed against his. You softly drag yourself upon him so your face his just above his. You kiss him on the lips again. You close your eyes when he cups your face in his hand, and a single tear escapes your eyelid. The kiss persists this time, long, sweet, passionate. Guiding you with his hand on your waist, he softly pushes you beside him. Interrupting the kissing, put keeping his face close to yours, forehead against forehead, he whispers, voice half-broken :

« I can’t do that to you. » 

You feel a sob roll down your throat, but you repress it. 

« Look at my face, » you say softly but firmly. « Can you see the track of my tears ? Those are tears of joy, because you just made me the happiest have ever been in my entire life. Leave me now, and all those tears will turn into the most sorrowful tears I will ever know. »

« (Y/N)… »

« I love you. » 

This shuts him up instantly. He gives you the most puzzled, yet tender look you’ve ever seen. And yet, sadness appears in his beautiful eyes too.

« Oh, (Y/N), » he whispers, brushing your cheek with his fingertips. « But that is why I can’t do that to you. Because you love me. And because… Because I think I love you too. » 

You put your hand on his when you feel he wants to take it away from your cheek. You slowly turn to kiss his palm, and he strokes your lips with his thumb. 

« If you love me, and I love you, » you declare, in the most assured voice, « let us be like husband and wife. »

« But that could never be. Think… Think of your reputation, think of what your uncle would say if… »

You put your hand on his lips to make it stop. 

« No one will ever know, » you murmur before kissing him again.

You let your hands go down his chest, as he kisses you back. After that, he stops resisting. The kiss extends, grows into something more. You notice a tear rolling down his cheek. You wipe it away with kisses. As both your bodies join, intertwined in some sort of primitive dance to some pagan god of lust and love, you feel more alive than you ever have. _Now I know what Eve must have felt in Eden, when the snake tempted her into eating the forbidden fruit_ , you say to yourself as a pleasurable shiver strikes you, _how could she resist such a blissful sin ?_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so, so much for reading <3


End file.
